


It's a bittersweet world

by heartdonor



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, i've been kinda down lately and my mom came back home so, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-23 02:00:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7462260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartdonor/pseuds/heartdonor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kenma knows it's a bittersweet world, but he's never imagined it would turn out like this.</p><p>Fluff and then angst basically!</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's a bittersweet world

_ “You’re such a sap, I love you. Your jacket is so warm.”  _

 

Those are the words that are engraved just beneath Kenma’s collarbones, the characters a bit sloppy, but warm. He doesn't know how to describe the feeling that they give him, but it makes him feel happy. He is told by his parents that these words are the last words his soulmate will tell him before he dies. They say that's how it works- that you’ll never know who your soulmate is until they take their last breath.

 

It saddens Kenma, to say the least, but it's a bittersweet world and he knows this. He learns a bit later in life that almost everyone’s soulmates have different signs than his. His best friend, Kuroo, has three soulmates, and he can hear all of their thoughts. He considers Kuroo lucky, because he can communicate with his soulmates telepathically no matter how far they are, but after meeting two of them, he realizes that it might be worse than he thought. Although Bokuto and Akaashi are nice, Bokuto can be a bit loud, and he assumes the other soulmate is just as obnoxious.

 

In his second year of high school, Kenma meets Hinata Shouyou, a first year attending his rival school, Kurasuno. Shouyou is 5 centimeters shorter than him and very lively. He has bouncy hair that is a vibrant shade of orange and warm brown eyes that can melt even the coldest of people. Kenma immediately decides that the boy is interesting, and although their meeting is brief, he knows he’ll see Shouyou again soon enough. And he does, at the practice match between their schools. He can still see the boy’s energy, but instead of his hyper, optimistic self, his liveliness converts to concentration. It's surprising how high he can jump, and even though Kenma’s school beats theirs mercilessly, he’s left the match with a small smile on his face and a curiosity he’s never felt before. They exchange numbers, and when it's time for Kenma to leave, Shouyou gives him a hug, saying that he’ll miss him.

 

Shouyou becomes a big part of his life before Kenma even realizes it. It's subtle, but he goes from texting him occasionally ignoring his texts in favor of playing video games to texting him from the minute he wakes up to whenever his head hits the pillow and instead, ignoring his game to text the energetic ginger. Shouyou starts to come over more frequently to play videogames with Kenma, and he can’t say he’s complaining. Playing with Shouyou is fun, and the spiker is just as concentrated as he is when he plays volleyball. More often than not, when Shouyou comes over they end up sleeping together, both of them passed out on the couch with their limbs tangled together. It’s a nice sensation, and Kenma finds himself smiling when he wakes up to his friend curled up next to him, sleeping peacefully. 

 

When Kenma goes into his third year of highschool, he’s surprised that he’s grown almost 8 centimeters taller. And as surprised as he is, he’s relieved that he’ll no longer be considered short, and the minor height difference between him and Shouyou has grown, so he doesn’t see any downsides. He becomes Nekoma’s captain, and it earns him a bit more respect on his team. Unexpectedly, the libero from Kurasuno becomes the captain (Ni-something. Kenma can’t remember his name), which Shouyou seems excited about. Kenma knows that he’s always looked up to him, and it makes him happy to see his friend talk about the captain so animatedly. He also sees how fondly Shouyou talks to him, and how proud he is to talk about him to other people, and although the year prior he might have felt embarrassed, it feels good to be appreciated.

 

Kuroo goes to a college not too far from Nekoma, and Kenma knows how sad he is to leave two of his boyfriends behind. However, Bokuto is with him, and they set up dates frequently, even going as far as getting a big enough apartment so that when they’ve all graduated they can live comfortably together. Kenma thinks it’s sweet, and he’s happy for them, but he doesn’t know how Kuroo does it. Having 3 people that just happen to be your soulmates hear your thoughts seems exhausting, and he’s glad he isn’t in Kuroo’s shoes.

 

As Kenma begins to see Shouyou more often, he briefly considers that maybe the ginger is his soulmate. However, he’s much too shy to suggest the idea, and instead opts to keep their platonic relationship strong. Later that year, Kenma learns that Shouyou has no soulmate mark to speak of, the only sign that his soulmate might exist being a tiny brown, yellow, and white cat curled up and sleeping on his left hip bone. Kenma realizes that the cat looked somewhat like him, and he was a Nekoma student, and brings up his own soulmate mark. Both of them are confused and decide that it was possible that they were each other’s soulmates. However, neither of them are truly convinced, and they stay platonic for the rest of the year.

 

When Kenma graduates from highschool and heads to college, he realizes that he misses Shouyou more than ever. And when he sees Shouyou for the first time in a month, the small boy’s arms wrapped around him tightly and hears him cry about how much he missed him, he realizes that he might be in love. Shouyou finds time to see Kenma at least once a week, and skype becomes their savior. The blond realizes how much he loves hearing his best friend’s voice and listens intently as Shouyou animatedly talks about how cool one of the new first years is, and how awesome his friend, Yamaguchi, is as the team captain. Apparently Kuroo’s other soulmate (Tsuki?) had mellowed out a bit, becoming friends with both Kageyama and Shouyou, and although he continued to made snide remarks, Kenma knows that the words are more fond than they had been in their first year. 

 

Finally, Shouyou graduates and moves in with his cat-like friend, going to the same university. Life is much easier with Shouyou right next to him. He makes him feel safer, less anxious, and having the bubbly boy around has really changed Kenma. Although he still has anxiety (that would never go away), he feels more confident with his best friend beside him, and whenever he feels overwhelmed by the crowd of people, Shouyou will take his hand and squeeze it comfortingly, walking with him to a less populated area and smiling at him. Those smiles made Kenma feel warm, and he enjoys the fact that Shouyou is always so close. It’s like living in paradise, and, even though the classes are difficult and they both have to work hard in order to pay rent, he can’t imagine it any other way.

 

Kenma finds himself protective of the ginger, especially when Shouyou is intimidated by taller people. As he introduces the boy to a few friends and shows him around the campus, he begins to notice that Shouyou probably has anxiety too by the way he jumps at loud noises and freezes up at certain statements. He’s noticed a few signs before (Shouyou’s leg bouncing, nail biting, etc.), but has always passed it off as Shouyou’s ADHD. Now, he realizes that Shouyou understands what it’s like to have anxiety, especially after finding out that his friend has been taking Loloft since age 12.

 

One day, he finds his best friend curled up in the corner of their shared bedroom, breathing like he’s just ran a marathon. He quickly realizes that Shouyou is having a panic attack, and with soft loving words and slow rubbing motions on his friend’s back as well as his cheek, he brings him down from his overstimulated state. Once Shouyou is calm, he pulls him into his lap, staying there in silence until the ginger is ready to speak.

 

“Sorry.” Comes a small, meek voice, and it breaks Kenma’s heart.

 

“Don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong. May I ask what got you anxious?” Kenma is surprised how steady his voice is, but doesn’t dwell on it. Shouyou needs him.

 

“I just worked myself up. Sorry.” Kenma hates how small Shouyou sounds, but lets it go, giving his friend a comforting smile.

 

“Take it easy ok?” He says, planting a chaste kiss to the top of his friend’s head. Shouyou nods, smiling widely back, and they stay there, snuggling, until it’s time for dinner. 

 

Kenma learns a lot more about the ginger as they continue to live together. He thought before that he knew everything about his friend, but now he knows he was wrong. He memorizes every little detail about Shouyou- how he got to bed with his hair wet, how he always drinks the soup before eating the noodles when having ramen, how he’s constantly wearing jackets and long sleeves on the hottest of days because he has issues with his body heat. He knows that he has an irrational fear of ants, how dogs (especially big ones) scare him, that he prefers to wear a shirt and boxers to bed rather than pajama pants and no shirt like Kenma. He realizes that Shouyou is watching out for him when he omits foods Kenma doesn’t like from the food he makes and how he’ll send sweet texts when he knows Kenma is feeling down. Kenma understands that Shouyou and him are practically made for each other, based on how well they understand each other. Kenma decides that he wants to try being with Shouyou in a romantic way, and they discuss it one night, the blond’s head resting on his friend’s lap, his phone in hand. Shouyou agrees.

 

Their first date feels normal for both of them. They hold hands, eat a good meal (well, as good of a meal as you can get in college), and at the end of the night, they watch a cute movie, exchanging sweet kisses on the lips. Kenma feels right, and although he wasn’t sure before, he’s positive that Shouyou is his soulmate. And the ginger seems to agree, based on how cheerful he is the next morning when he kisses Kenma’s cheek before he leaves. They hug for a bit, then Shouyou is off to his morning classes, the cat-like blond eating the breakfast his boyfriend prepared for him with a smile on his face. The word rolls off Kenma’s tongue so nicely, and he finds himself addicted to saying it. He finds it even better when Shouyou says it, a soft blush dusting his pale cheeks nicely. It’s cute, and so is the ginger, and Kenma considers himself the luckiest guy in the world. 

 

Summer rolls around, and so does Shouyou’s birthday, but luckily, Kenma is completely prepared. Shouyou is turning 20, but Kenma doesn’t think he’s the drinking type. He has saved up money, and he buys a weighted blanket for the hyperactive boy. He’s researched it, and apparently, it helps people with ADHD and SPD or even autism calm down, and he thinks it might help with his boyfriend’s insomnia (and maybe even his own, who knows). He gets the blanket in a pretty lavender, big enough for their shared bed, and on the day of Shouyou’s birthday, he takes him out for breakfast (Kenma can not cook for shit). When they get home, he sheepishly presents the gift to the ginger, whom is over the moon. He peppers kisses all over Kenma’s face with a million kisses, and at night, they both sleep soundly, wrapped in the blanket.

 

The school year starts once more, and both Kenma and Shouyou are very busy. However, they both make time for each other, helping each other study and just enjoying each other’s presence, and that’s how they get by. When Kenma’s birthday comes around, Shouyou bakes him a homemade apple pie, Kenma’s favorite, as well as gets him a few new video games that the blond had been wanting. Kenma is elated and surprised at how thoughtful his boyfriend is, and they fall asleep on the couch like they used to in highschool, this time, Shouyou’s face nuzzled against his neck. He’s not sure how the ginger is comfortable (he’s twisted in a way that seems awkward), but he knows he is, and when he wakes up in the same position as the night before, he can’t help but smile. His back is a bit sore, and Shouyou’s nose against his neck tickles, but he couldn’t ask for a better way to wake up.

 

Winter comes before they realize it, and with December comes finals. They’re hard, and even Shouyou’s normal energetic self is deflated. Kenma practically lives off of coffee, and he’s glad he doesn’t have ADHD like his boyfriend, since the caffeine keeps him awake instead of the opposite effect it has on Shouyou. The blond has a programming final since he’s studying to become a computer engineer, and he can’t remember a time he’s felt this stressed. He’s blessed in the sense that he has such a supportive, loving boyfriend, because Shouyou is constantly by his side, feeding him his favorite foods, giving him coffee, and even massaging him when his neck is too tight. Although he knows the ginger has classes to study for as well, he indulges his boyfriend’s kind behavior, and in return, helps him with his english. It’s not much, Kenma knows, but it’s the least he can do when he knows his boyfriend has it just as hard as he does. 

 

Miraculously, they both pass their finals with flying colors, celebrating by going out to eat at their favorite restaurant. Afterwards, they spend the night playing a new video game that Kenma has gotten the both of them, Overwatch, which is exciting, especially since Shouyou has managed to master one of the hardest characters to play, Tracer. The blond can’t help but realize the similarities between the two, from their cheerful voices to their warm brown eyes. It makes Kenma notice that he sees Shouyou in everything- the sun, this character, a puppy- and he knows he can’t live without him.

The new year arrives, and for the most part, it goes smoothly. Kenma even starts seeing his childhood friend, Kuroo, more frequently, and both he and Shouyou get more familiar with the former captain’s three soulmates. Their reunion is nostalgic, and Kenma takes a liking to all three of Kuroo’s now-husbands. Bokuto reminds him of Shouyou a bit, although he’s a bit different in ways. Kenma can’t quite put his finger on it, but somehow, his boyfriend seems brighter and more enthusiastic that Kuroo’s husband. Whatever it is, Kenma doesn’t sweat it, because Shouyou is his soulmate, and not the owl-like man.

 

Shouyou also reconnects with his friend, Kageyama, and both Kenma and him go over to the brunette’s flat. Kageyama lives in a small apartment with a small cat that looks almost exactly like the one on Shouyou’s hip. It makes Kenma sick to his stomach, and they both leave early because of it. The ginger can tell what his boyfriend is thinking, and reassures him that Kageyama is not his soulmate because he has Shouyou’s name on his chest in grey, signifying that he and his blue eyed friend were platonic soulmates and nothing more. This brings relief to Kenma, although he’s still shaken up.

 

In his free time, Kenma starts to dwell on the fact that Shouyou might not be his soulmate. He notices that Shouyou and Kageyama hang out more frequently, and he wonders if Shouyou had lied to him about being platonic soulmates with the boy just to make him feel better. The thought leaves a bad taste in his mouth, but every time Shouyou kisses him or hugs him or says any words of affection towards him, he feels his worries subside for a moment. He loves Shouyou, and he knows the ginger loves him as well.

 

When it’s Shouyou’s birthday once more, the spiker assures Kenma that he doesn’t want or need any gift other than a day of video games and cuddles. Of course, Kenma gets him something anyways (a new pair of headphones as well as a microphone), and Shouyou is extremely grateful. Times like this, where Shouyou is snuggling him, eyes closed, with a content smile on his face, he knows he’s in deep. Even after being together for over 2 years, every ‘I love you’ his boyfriend says melts his heart. He couldn’t fathom what it would be like if he never met Shouyou, and he doesn’t want to, because right here with his boyfriend in his arms is the closest to heaven that he imagines he’ll ever get in his lifetime.

 

For Kenma’s birthday, almost four months later, Shouyou takes him to a surprise. He doesn’t tell Kenma where they’re going, but gives his boyfriend direction as the blond drives. He’s saved up enough money to get them tickets to a video game convention, and he carefully researched to find one in the area that wouldn’t be too crowded, so that’s where Kenma is driving. 

 

“Are we close yet?” Kenma asks, his voice harsh, but his intentions curious. Shouyou shakes his head with a giggle.

 

“Nope. 30 minutes still.” He says, shivering a bit. It’s only October, but it’s already cold. Unfortunately, to Shouyou’s dismay, he’s forgot his jacket. So instead, he tries to limit his shudders from the chill and hope his boyfriend doesn’t notice. “You’re going to make a left at this next light.” He says, pointing. Kenma turns, and they begin to drive onto a mountain.

 

“Shouyou, I can’t turn on the heater or we’ll waste gas. Put on your jacket.” The blond says calmly, a hint of concern laced in his voice. His boyfriend shakes his head, instead, flipping through the radio stations. They were all static, and he gives up with a sigh, turning the radio off.

 

“I left my jacket at home, but I’m not cold anyways.” He says, crossing his arms in attempt to keep himself warm. Kenma shakes his head.

 

“So stubborn. Put on my jacket, it’s in the backseat.” Shouyou does as told, unbuckling his seatbelt and reaching back for his jacket.

 

“You’re so cute when you’re concerned about me.” He says with a smile, grunting as he tries to get Kenma’s old Nekoma hoodie. It’s almost in his grasp, but he can’t quite reach it.

 

“Well, you’re cute all the time. Now hurry up and get it, a ticket for you not having your seatbelt on is the last thing we need.” Kenma smiles a bit, seeing his boyfriend with his jacket out of the corner of his eye. He loves it when Shouyou wears his clothes because they almost fit, but they’re slightly large for the ginger’s small build. 

 

“You’re such a sap, I love you.” He pulled on the jacket and snuggled it. “Your jacket is so warm.” 

 

The words make Kenma’s eyes widen, and he stares at his boyfriend, horrified. He doesn’t even realize that he’s swerved into the lane going the opposite direction until he hears a long car horn. Looking up, he panics, steering sharply to the right and barely missing the large truck that was heading towards them. The car tumbles down the slope, and Kenma holds onto the steering wheel for dear life, only hitting his head against it once as they finally stop, crashing into a tree that had fallen down. His head is pounding, and his mind is hazy for a moment, before Shouyou crosses his mind. Shouyou is his soulmate. Shouyou is probably dead. The last thought terrifies him, and with a rush of adrenaline, he gets out of the car.

 

Time seems to come to a stop as he sees his beloved soulmate on the ground, Kenma’s jacket on him loosely. He can see bits of the vibrant orange hair that he’s come to love so much soaked in blood. Before he notices, his feet are carrying him to his boyfriend, and he frantically shakes the ginger. He hears a choked cry and realizes that tears are streaming down his face-the noise he heard had been himself. All he can do is hold Shouyou close to him, sobbing, and rock himself back and forth. He repeats his boyfriend’s name like a mantra, shivering, and that’s how the police find him.

 

A week passes since that day, and Kenma hasn’t spoken to anyone. He’s dropped out of his college classes, giving up his goal to become a computer engineer. He hasn’t even left the comfort of his apartment, indulging himself by listening to some of Shouyou’s voicemails. However, today, he must leave in order to see the love of his life one last time- at his funeral. He dresses out of the clothes he’s worn since the accident, instead, putting on a shirt that he knows Shouyou loves. Kuroo picks him up with his three husbands, but the ride is surprisingly quiet. No one speaks, and when they arrive at the service, Kenma gets out of the car quietly, walking over to where Shouyou lies in a casket.

 

Kenma almost cries then and there. His soulmate looks so lifeless, his bright orange hair turned dull with death. Those lips that Kenma had kissed so many times are now white. He looks so pale, and it breaks Kenma’s heart because he knows that the crash was his fault and that if he hadn’t dwelled on the words that spilled from Shouyou’s lips so lovingly, maybe his boyfriend would still be alive right now.

 

The blond spots something on the ginger’s collarbone and gently tugs down the dress shirt that his dead love is wearing, revealing a name.

 

_ “Kenma Kozume.” _

 

It was written in Kenma’s handwriting, and he realizes all over again that Shouyou is his soulmate. This time, he really loses it, crying violently and kicking one of the walls near his boyfriend’s casket. He’s quickly picked up by someone (Kuroo he thinks) and dragged away, but he’s thrashing and screaming and he can’t stop repeating over and over than Shouyou is his soulmate. He’s taken out of the church where he calms down, but his brain is numb and all he wants is for the love of his life to be back, to be next to him, but he knows it’s a bittersweet world, and he’s known this since he was a child. 

 

_ “You’re such a sap, I love you. Your jacket is so warm.”  _

 

“I’ll see you soon, Shouyou.”

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I've been super depressed lately so i'm turning my sadness into a sad fic, enjoy


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